Category: stories

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Friday, January 02, 2009

'Twas the day after New Year

'Twas the day after New Year, and cubicles swept,
With sounds of deep wheezing and snores as they slept.

The trashcans were placed by the queasy with care,
In fears that their hangovers soon cause despair.

The workers who nestled in cubicle lands,
Dreamt visions of holidays spent in the sand.

The boss in suspenders and new reindeer tie,
Had set up more meetings to make people cry.

When down from the lobby there came a loud sound,
I leapt from my desk and tripped with a frown,

Over mountains of desk toys and crumbs of stale cake,
Fell head over heels to the floor with a quake.

I ran to the window to seek out the fuss,
Pulled up the Venetians with just a quick thrust.

The sirens and lights filled my eyes and my ears,
Causing shock and surprise to all of my peers.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But guards and policemen in full riot gear.

I looked out behind me, and what should I see,
The boss looking shaken and gripping his knees.

More evil than demons his plans had been made,
To downsize departments, send workers away

"Now, Oldster! Now, Intern! Now, Useless and Drippy,
On, Techie! On, HR! On Service and Shipping!

To the carpark! Security will escort you there,
Now get out, begone, bugger off, hit the stairs!"

As the workers cleared out their desks, full of woe,
The guards came behind them to give them a blow.

So down to the lobby the guards and the fired,
And the silent coworkers who hadn't expired.

Looking back at the boss, in his shiny suspenders,
We knew he'd had kickbacks from most of his vendors.

A bitter thought swept through all of the masses,
Just about how all the high-ups were asses.

Decisions were reached in the blink of an eye,
Revenge it is sweet, and the time it was nigh,

To take on that backstabbing snake in the grass
Hold him responsible, not let him pass.

Together we coworkers cheered with delight,
Took our boss to the rooftop, not without fight.

Then, in a twinkling, threw him over the side,
We heard the loud thump as he hit, as he died.

And laying a finger inside of his nose,
The prodigy groomed by the boss calmly rose,

To take the position of boss, with a smile,
At all the coworkers, his heart filled with bile.

But I heard them exclaim, ere he ran down the stairs,
"Brake lines can be sliced, he'd better beware."

Categories: silliness, stories

.:1 comment | baked by pie at 5.04PM | permalink:.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Jack Kevorkian visits the elderly

It was a dark and stormy afternoon, as Jack swung his 1968 VW Microbus into the handicapped spot of the Shady Pines parking lot. It was Saturday, and visiting hours were in full swing.

He stopped at reception and signed in as Dr. Joseph Gruber, expert in senility, dementia and Alzheimer's. The receptionist told him to have a seat and that the facility director would be with him shortly.

Jack clipped the visitors pass to his suit coat and, ignoring the receptionist's invitation to sit in the lobby, strolled down the hallway away from the common areas, looking for bedrooms still occupied by lonely residents with no family to visit them. He poked his head around the doorframe of room #314 and simpered, "Yoo-hoo! Anyone home?"

After a moment, a frail voice responded, "Just a minute." This was followed by the sound of a toilet flushing and a labored climb back into bed.

Jack smiled to himself. She hadn't even washed her hands. She was clearly pretty far gone, and deserved to be 'set free'.

Moving quickly and quietly from room to room, Jack finally found enough oldsters to fill the seats in his Microbus. He led (or wheeled) them slowly out the back door and around to the van, strapped them all in and sped out of the car park while the Shady Pines staff were still too occupied with visiting families to notice that they were missing.

Some of the seniors were starting to get suspicious by this point, seeing all the other family-less patients in the van. They started to question Jack, who was startled into giving them his real name. Hearing this, the seniors were galvanized into action and the one closest the door reached for the handles, not realizing that they were speeding down the freeway at 65mph. Gasping, he slid the door shut again and fidgeted restlessly with his seatbelt, not knowing what he should do. Others sat and drooled or whined quietly to themselves.

Finally, Jack pulled off the freeway and into a large parking lot which was mostly full. He pulled up to the handicapped spot at the front and stopped the engine. "It's time," he called back to his passengers. "Don't worry about bringing your pocketbooks with you. You won't need them where you're going."

Jack led them in a straggling line up to the large gates and paid the admission. "What would you like to do first? Merry-go-round? Ferris wheel? Maybe some cotton candy?"

The oldsters let out a wheezy cheer and rushed as fast as their failing legs (or wheelchairs) would allow them towards the closest public restroom.

Categories: stories

.:0 comments | baked by pie at 8.35 AM | permalink:.