Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Care and Feeding of Your Geek
Geeks tend to be very shy, reserved creatures and aren't often seen in the wild, preferring to remain sheltered where they won't be noticed or harrassed. If you do happen to catch a geek be sure to treat it gently and with kindness. When a geek is frightened or forced into a corner, it will often bite or scratch and take the first opportunity to flee and find the closest WiFi network. So take precautions when approaching any trapped or cornered geek to ensure that neither you nor it will come to any harm.

Geeks are fairly low-maintenance pets, and you can easily add one to your family without spending a fortune - and often, you almost forget they're around if they're happy and all their needs are being met. That said, geeks can be very useful additions to your household as once they're settled they can rebuild your computer, fix your toaster oven, and teach you the cheats and tricks for your favorite video game. They're friendly for the most part and often adorable - like a small fuzzy creature you just want to squeeze and squeeze until its head pops off. Note: don't do this.

Bringing your geek home
Once you’ve trapped a geek and you're absolutely sure you want to try to domesticate it rather than releasing it back into the wild, be very careful to approach your geek from the front. Geeks can be skittish, and don't like people creeping up behind them in case they're in the midst of an embarrassing message-board flame war or viewing online porn.

You can tempt your geek by offering it Monty Python DVDs, Douglas Adams books or sticks of RAM. Once you have its attention, coo soothingly to it about science fiction, the latest technology, or whether Kirk was superior to Picard.

Once it’s made eye contact with you, your best bet is to swoop in quickly, place a cotton bag over its head so it will think it's asleep (it helps to play the Star Wars theme so it will be distracted by thoughts of Princess Leia, which will keep any male geek docile), and bundle it into your car.

Housing
Now that you’ve brought your geek home, what do you do with it? Well, a geek’s housing needs are pretty simple. Make sure that you have an ergonomic desk set up as well as a comfortable gaming chair in front of the game console (you do have one, don’t you? If not, get one! Go on - now!) They will need sleeping quarters but will rarely use them, preferring to stay up nights playing WoW.

Food / Water
An endless supply of snack foods and easy-to-make instant meals is always a good start. Caffeinated drinks are a favorite, so be sure you have plenty on hand.

Lighting
Geeks tend to prefer artificial light to natural daylight, so don’t force your geek to venture out into the sun if it’s not comfortable doing so. Be sure to provide plenty of halogen or fluorescent lighting around your geek’s work and gaming areas as the buzzing fluorescents can often be soothing for your geek.

Handling
Geeks can be a little skittish when it comes to physical contact, so be sure that it’s comfortable with you before you try handling it. Once you’ve made a bond with your geek, you should be able to handle it whenever you like, but keep in mind that if your geek is preoccupied with an MMORPG, it may snarl or bare its teeth at you.

Enjoy!
Geeks are very enjoyable low-maintenance pets once you get one to trust you. Just keep in mind that you will keep your geek much happier, and therefore more friendly towards you, if all its needs are being met. Enjoy the new geeky addition to your family!

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Friday, June 06, 2008

I have no idea...

...why I felt the urge to make this, but I blame it on sleep deprivation. Can you tell who it's supposed to be?





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